They told me, convinced me, that they liked my qualities at the first time they met me. Telling me how charming I was, how witty, quirky, funny and all.
It’s such a constant reminder.
I felt too validated, my ego indeed fed. But it’s a perpetual circle: a déjà vu with different person, different time, different place, but the same conversation.
Talks were lit. Sparks everywhere. But the more they and i talk, the more they realize that my interesting things becomes banalities. In the other name, you’re not interesting anymore, Rén.
Like I’ve played chess over and over, relentlessly versecrafting my own signature moves from a match to another.
But in the end of the day, I’ll lose. Even if I won, it ended so quick.
Honestly, I don’t want a win in my own loneliness.
A nerd will say, what do you expect from games? No ones delve into a match for months, even years. They naturally hopping from a player to another — bbut to prove what? A higher rate profile?
Or maybe I was in the wrong platform, or moreover wrong scheme of games.
Or maybe it’s me. Seeing all of this as mere games. While games are meant to unwind, not a long-run commitment. Or worst, everyone just wants to kill their time.
Cirebon, 2023
